A preservation of the pale persuasion: Western Club
Sonny Gast
Issue date: 2/12/09 Section: Opinion
White people have pilfered Pokémon, anime, Power Rangers, sushi bars, martial arts, Asian-inspired clothing and of course, the infamous generic Chinese symbol tattoo. You go so far as to adopt Asian children - which is awesome, thus integrating us into your lands.
Don't get me wrong, I'm quite pleased with the tsunami of white people supporting our culture, but at the same time I wish that Caucasian Americans possessed a more pronounced cultural identity. I believe that "Caucasian culture" has remained under appreciated since the rising sun of hokey Asian fads in the '60s and '70s.
My solution to this problem is simple: the creation of a Western Club at Hillsdale College. It will balance the Oriental with the Occidental, including and embracing the majority of students on campus.
The Western Club will celebrate the merits of Caucasians, especially the most disenfranchised: the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant male. WASP males frequently come under fire, and the concept of "affirmative action" has sadly made their pitiful plight even grimmer. Exciting activities the Western Club shall engage in include watching episodes of Seinfeld, drinking imported exotic coffee, field trips to organic farmers' markets, the Gap and J.Crew.
We will provide refreshments at every meeting with a smorgasbord of ham sandwiches slathered with mayonnaise on white bread and ice-cold Arnold Palmers. White people undervalue and fail to both identify and cherish their distinctive cultural features.
I've recently read online that "the Asian image has taken on an air of mystery, subversion, danger and potency." It seems that white people unconsciously pillage from other cultures as they please because their own identity lacks attractiveness. From Taco Bell to Panda Express, white people desperately grasp for that "air of mystery, subversion, danger and potency" seemingly apparent in other cultures.
Confucius and I agree: "Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart."
We must accept that although we all are alike in some regards, our differences often set us apart in beneficial ways. That is something to celebrate!
So, for all of the confused Caucasians out there, put away your Tamagotchi and join the Western Club to rediscover your cultural heritage.
Don't get me wrong, I'm quite pleased with the tsunami of white people supporting our culture, but at the same time I wish that Caucasian Americans possessed a more pronounced cultural identity. I believe that "Caucasian culture" has remained under appreciated since the rising sun of hokey Asian fads in the '60s and '70s.
My solution to this problem is simple: the creation of a Western Club at Hillsdale College. It will balance the Oriental with the Occidental, including and embracing the majority of students on campus.
The Western Club will celebrate the merits of Caucasians, especially the most disenfranchised: the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant male. WASP males frequently come under fire, and the concept of "affirmative action" has sadly made their pitiful plight even grimmer. Exciting activities the Western Club shall engage in include watching episodes of Seinfeld, drinking imported exotic coffee, field trips to organic farmers' markets, the Gap and J.Crew.
We will provide refreshments at every meeting with a smorgasbord of ham sandwiches slathered with mayonnaise on white bread and ice-cold Arnold Palmers. White people undervalue and fail to both identify and cherish their distinctive cultural features.
I've recently read online that "the Asian image has taken on an air of mystery, subversion, danger and potency." It seems that white people unconsciously pillage from other cultures as they please because their own identity lacks attractiveness. From Taco Bell to Panda Express, white people desperately grasp for that "air of mystery, subversion, danger and potency" seemingly apparent in other cultures.
Confucius and I agree: "Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart."
We must accept that although we all are alike in some regards, our differences often set us apart in beneficial ways. That is something to celebrate!
So, for all of the confused Caucasians out there, put away your Tamagotchi and join the Western Club to rediscover your cultural heritage.
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