Searching for political substance
Jillian Melchior
Issue date: 10/2/08 Section: Opinion
"I'm so glad you answered," my mother explained when I answered her call. I was leaving class. I saw she had called twice within the last hour alone. "I have something very important to ask you," she continued.
"Well, what is it?" I replied, certain I was going to hear about the death of a relative or some other matter of grave import.
"I am going to the mall today," she said, "and I was wondering -" and she paused. "Do you think I would look good in Sarah Palin glasses?"
No, no, unequivocally, no, was my answer. And while I'm at it, you would not look good in a Hannah Montana wig, either. Still: What has become of our election?
It has been agonizing to follow. Believe me; I try. I read my news, and not only online, either. I peruse the gamut of media, from Slate to Drudge, from The Wall Street Journal to the CNN debate transcripts. I pour my soul into the effort, cracking open the pages of my New Yorker and my Economist with the intensity of a child learning to ride a two-wheeled bicycle.
And what have I learned? Not that much. I know, as my hometown newspaper (and mom, for that matter) proclaim that "Palin's glasses are hot, hot, hot!" Direct quote. Front page headline. I know that she bought a tanning bed and maintains a "healthy glow" that scintillates the fake bake industry lobby, courtesy of this week's Talk of the Town. I know that Sen. Obama plays basketball and drinks organic fruit juices. (According to, well, fill in the blank. I've heard that everywhere.) I know that John McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns. I know that Cindy McCain wears expensive suits. I know that I am tired of the comparison between Palin and Eliza Doolittle, which was mildly witty when Maureen Dowd coined it and which has been bludgeoned to death, stuck on a stake and drained of blood and bile by lazy writers ever since. About Biden, I know almost nothing. I deduce he's not that quirky.
This is my wealth of knowledge, spawned of careful hours digesting the news. I might get more out of, say, watching "Saturday Night Live."
"Well, what is it?" I replied, certain I was going to hear about the death of a relative or some other matter of grave import.
"I am going to the mall today," she said, "and I was wondering -" and she paused. "Do you think I would look good in Sarah Palin glasses?"
No, no, unequivocally, no, was my answer. And while I'm at it, you would not look good in a Hannah Montana wig, either. Still: What has become of our election?
It has been agonizing to follow. Believe me; I try. I read my news, and not only online, either. I peruse the gamut of media, from Slate to Drudge, from The Wall Street Journal to the CNN debate transcripts. I pour my soul into the effort, cracking open the pages of my New Yorker and my Economist with the intensity of a child learning to ride a two-wheeled bicycle.
And what have I learned? Not that much. I know, as my hometown newspaper (and mom, for that matter) proclaim that "Palin's glasses are hot, hot, hot!" Direct quote. Front page headline. I know that she bought a tanning bed and maintains a "healthy glow" that scintillates the fake bake industry lobby, courtesy of this week's Talk of the Town. I know that Sen. Obama plays basketball and drinks organic fruit juices. (According to, well, fill in the blank. I've heard that everywhere.) I know that John McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns. I know that Cindy McCain wears expensive suits. I know that I am tired of the comparison between Palin and Eliza Doolittle, which was mildly witty when Maureen Dowd coined it and which has been bludgeoned to death, stuck on a stake and drained of blood and bile by lazy writers ever since. About Biden, I know almost nothing. I deduce he's not that quirky.
This is my wealth of knowledge, spawned of careful hours digesting the news. I might get more out of, say, watching "Saturday Night Live."
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
A. Burron
posted 10/06/08 @ 7:12 PM EST
Jillian, you nailed it! The public seems to have an insatiable appetite for cotton candy, and, given the amount of regurgitation of trivia, seems to have trouble digesting even that!
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