The Collegian Weekly: Leave the frat seduction to yesteryear
The opinion of The Collegian editorial staff
Issue date: 9/13/07 Section: Opinion
Drunken male alumni made passes at some of the college's best asse(t)s last homecoming.
A small, specific group of alumni pretend to try to get to know pretty female students, but really, they just want to know them.
This absurd behavior gives all the other innocent, charming, harmless alumni a tainted name.
Which brings us to the point that this is perhaps the most necessarily simple editorial ever written.
Some things should go without saying. But if last year is any indication, they don't, so we'll go ahead and hit you over the head with a brick.
Of course if you cut onions, you will cry.
Of course if you go swimming, you will get wet.
Of course if you chug a gallon of milk, you will throw up.
And if you are a middle-aged former Hillsdale student hitting on a girl half your age, you are engaging in inappropriate behavior.
Yet somehow, year after year, men try.
So The Collegian editorial staff thought they would put together a handy guide for you to determine whether or not your intentions and actions are acceptable.
• If you would like to make physical contact beyond a shake of a hand, you might be unacceptable.
• If you cannot, or opt not, to make eye contact because of a particular distraction bearing the Hillsdale logo, you might be unacceptable.
• If you are hitting on a freshman girl, her father may actually be here to come after you with a shotgun.
• If you get think she's just "kind of shy," she probably doesn't welcome your advances.
• If you feel younger and more attractive than you usually do, you are probably drunk.
• And most importantly, if you are hitting on a student, you are out of line.
Now, on to gold diggers. Granted, many of the swarthy Hillsdale alum have put their education to good use and made a fortune.
But usually strumpets don't go to school; nobody needs an education to put another person's money to bad use.
Thus, Hillsdale College is not the place to seek a 20-year-old boon.
A small, specific group of alumni pretend to try to get to know pretty female students, but really, they just want to know them.
This absurd behavior gives all the other innocent, charming, harmless alumni a tainted name.
Which brings us to the point that this is perhaps the most necessarily simple editorial ever written.
Some things should go without saying. But if last year is any indication, they don't, so we'll go ahead and hit you over the head with a brick.
Of course if you cut onions, you will cry.
Of course if you go swimming, you will get wet.
Of course if you chug a gallon of milk, you will throw up.
And if you are a middle-aged former Hillsdale student hitting on a girl half your age, you are engaging in inappropriate behavior.
Yet somehow, year after year, men try.
So The Collegian editorial staff thought they would put together a handy guide for you to determine whether or not your intentions and actions are acceptable.
• If you would like to make physical contact beyond a shake of a hand, you might be unacceptable.
• If you cannot, or opt not, to make eye contact because of a particular distraction bearing the Hillsdale logo, you might be unacceptable.
• If you are hitting on a freshman girl, her father may actually be here to come after you with a shotgun.
• If you get think she's just "kind of shy," she probably doesn't welcome your advances.
• If you feel younger and more attractive than you usually do, you are probably drunk.
• And most importantly, if you are hitting on a student, you are out of line.
Now, on to gold diggers. Granted, many of the swarthy Hillsdale alum have put their education to good use and made a fortune.
But usually strumpets don't go to school; nobody needs an education to put another person's money to bad use.
Thus, Hillsdale College is not the place to seek a 20-year-old boon.
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